Have car, must drive

Every one of us has a "release" of some sort. Some people get lost in TV, video games, or books. Others have hobbies such as scrapbooking, baking, or sports. And then there are those who turn to alcohol, drugs, sex, or food to get that much needed feeling of complete and total don't have to think or worry about a single damn thing.

For David, his release is driving. There is nothing better to him then to hop in the car and just drive. No destination necessary, no company needed, just the car, some classic rock, and an open road. This really could be a healthy outlet, but often times it's used as an escape.

For example, if it has been a particularly gloomy winter week (did I mention he's seasonally affected as well?) his depression kicks into high gear and he has the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. There is not much that makes this feeling go away, sans time, which he usually feels will take too long. So, he hops in the car (with or without warning, though he is getting better about telling me first) and drives. Often he'll head west as he enjoys the scenery more, and goes incommunicado for several hours.

I've actually stopped worrying when this happens because the routine, or pattern, is almost always the same. He leaves, and in several hours, when he's ready, he'll call me, we'll talk, and he will come home. This is not a frequent experience; it may happen three or four times a year. Nonetheless, it happens and we deal with it. In the beginning it occurred with more frequency and I'd be sick with worry each time. But we've tried to make it a healthy outlet which keeps both of us a little more sane (there's that 4-letter word again).

This past Sunday he decided he needed some time to sort through his emotions and wanted to go to a monastery in New Mexico for reflection and a better connection with God. So he drove 14 hours and checked in. Deciding a nap was needed after all that driving, he laid down and was overwhelmed by a feeling which was an answer he had been praying and searching for for some time. He had wrestled with wondering if K and I would be better off without him in our lives, and my reassurance that we didn't want him anywhere except with us didn't really help much. However laying in that monastery he suddenly knew that he didn't want to go another day of his life without us. The mere thought of not being able to talk to or see us whenever he wanted was heart wrenching.

This experience keeps me reminded of just how powerful God is and how we may not understand it, but he always has a plan. David is home now and we are getting back into our "normal" routine. Support group is tonight and we are really excited for the opportunity that it has presented. Until next time.

Pray, Hope, & Don't Worry  ~ St. Padre Pio