Everyday is new and with that everyday brings a different challenge. Somedays David wakes up, feels great, and struggles very little with his illness. In all aspects, some days are quite normal.
But many days are anything but. One day (pretty frequently) he struggles with the necessity of taking a cocktail of medications. Be it because of the side effects, the monotony of taking medication day after day, or just the craving to live a normal life.
One day he might wake up jittery and panicky, ready to crawl out of his skin. Those days he wants to run away and hide, but he can't hide from his own mind.
The next day he might wake up fatigued and achy from depression. These days he doesn't get out of bed, eat, or feel like there are reasons to keep fighting.
Today is a panicky, obsessive day, where he can't shut his mind down no matter how incredibly exhausted he feels. The use of his CES machine helps as it resets his alpha brain waves, but it doesn't give total relief.
I'm equally exhausted, not to mention sick to my stomach at the anguish I watch him endure. I pray and I research and I pray some more. I can't fix it and that pisses me off and breaks my heart at the same time. He's trying so hard to feel better and to make the best of each day. To that end, we can only do so much and have to leave the rest in God's hands. He just had another medication tweak. Fingers crossed that this will lead to better days.
Hang in there, and keep writing. ~Suzanne
ReplyDeleteThanks Suzanne.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your journey. I didn't know my foster brother suffered from depression until it was too late. I've always wondered what his journey might have been like. I will pray for your family's healing and thank you for helping me heal, too.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jaclyn. Sorry for your family's loss.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing so much of your life. We have some similar issues in our household although not as severe as what you are going through. It helps to read about someone else feeling some of the same things. Big hugs to you and your family. Every day you make it through is a victory! I will keep you all in my prayers.
ReplyDelete