Sleep was evasive last night. After his normal night meds, which include a sleeping pill, and a full dose of Nyquil, he finally fell asleep around 12:30 a.m. At that point, I couldn't sleep because I was too worried that he would wake up and I wouldn't realize it. I drifted in and out until 6:30 a.m., and I calculate I probably got a total of 3 non-consecutive hours of sleep. Needless to say we were both tired this morning.
Yet, he was intent on pushing through the grogginess and got ready to spend the day helping my dad. He says he feels okay, but I know his obsessive feelings are distracting him. He's still trying to make it through an entire day and told me not to worry about him (um, hello, is he new?).
I'm plugging away at the endless list of tasks at work, trying to focus as best I can. Being busy is a huge help at keeping me from thinking/dwelling. I certainly could use a nap though :)
Endless thoughts keep me worrying when I'm not distracted by work. Will he have a good day? Will he sleep tonight? Will he feel the need to run away? How is all of this affecting Kennadie? How much has she picked up on other than "daddy gets headaches." What if this medicine tweak doesn't work? What if something bad happens and he can't bounce back? Will he need to go back to the hospital? How would I get him there, when he hates it so much? How do we keep making everything work financially when we spend approximately $1,500 between medical insurance premiums, prescription costs, doctor office copays, etc.? Can we just take a weekend off from this disease? Just one blissfully happy, worry-free weekend?
Ahh, that feels better - I needed to write everything going through my head, just to clear my mind a bit, even if I don't have any of the answers. We will make it through because we always do. God provides and our faith is comforting. Solid family and friends keep us grounded and sane (well, as sane as we get!). So today is a good day so far, and we're working hard to keep it that way.
"What if" thoughts never bring peace of mind. Thoughts control feelings- change the way you think to change the way you feel.
ReplyDeleteWhen some situation is stuck in my head causing anxiety, I try to affirm to myself that I am safe and sound. Focus on positive thoughts and recall other times when you worried and everything was fine. So it will be again. Nothing can harm you, there is nothing you can't handle.
I've found that when I let go of wanting to control the situation, and let it unwind on its own, the Universe takes care of me and shows me the way. Its the struggle to steer the boat that causes the tension and anxiety. Let go and let life flow.
And when all else fails and I can't let go, then I say the Memorare. Mary never lets me down.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ourladyswarriors.org/prayer/memorare.htm
Thanks. Good points, just not always easy to practice. I love the Memorare.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, thank you for openly sharing yours and Dave's journey. Your strength is inspiring! Keep pressing on, continuing to pray and believe! I am not sure what your beliefs are and I want to be respectful, but I truly do believe that God will provide. And sometimes the provisions might look differently that what we had expected, but I believe God is good. Dave is unbelievably blessed to have you. With whatever you believe in, I just want to encourage you to keep pressing on in good faith. You are an inspiration to your readers!
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you!